Thursday, June 9, 2011


Miss Ellie walks a fine line. It's a balancing act to have fun yet stay out of the fray. I can see that she's always watching... learning... just taking it all in.

That sponge time is quiet time... time when she goes unnoticed by her bigger brothers. She can quietly play just out of reach.

But it's not always so much fun sitting on the sideline. There are times when you just want to get out there and do... try... be on the outside what you are on the inside.... All of those things require letting go of the candy coating, that protective shell that keeps us from melting.

Each day she grows braver. She can hold her own with Benett. And she knows how to get what she wants from Gavin. (He's a pushover when it comes to her.) But I think some of Ellie's quiet reserve is just shyness. Maybe even a little streak of introvertedness.

That's me too. Not always. But sometimes that protective candy coating is necessary for big reasons... or small ones. At times it's more productive to turn everything inwards and work my way out. It's one of the best ways I've found to sort through 'the stuff.'

As a kid, even as an adult, Dad used to tell me that I often looked mad... My response would be something like, "That's just my face. It's the way it looks." But I wasn't intentionally trying to look mad. I'm not mad in general... but perhaps preoccupied. Thinking things through... considering... apparently I'm not a smiley considerer.

That's Ellie too. She's such a serious little soul... which isn't bad at all. Serious is okay... the world needs serious... but even the serious need make sure lighten up from time to time. As she has gotten older, I really feel like she's changed in that regard. There are times when she seems to try so hard to just be one of the boys*.

Life as a mom is a learning process, there's no doubt in my mind. But I also believe that my kids have taught me more about myself than I ever could have learned on my own.

I believe that a part of my journey in this life is to let them continue to teach me as I teach them... especially Ellie... Perhaps we'll teach each other how to give thoughtful consideration, turning challenges inward and working back out, but not at the expense of having fun. We both have to learn to be smiley considerers.

* I promise, the boys do wear shirts from time to time... and Benett... well he just likes to play in his undies.

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