Sunday, July 28, 2013


The summer baseball season is over for us now. I'm not sure who'll miss it more, Gavin or his adoring fans. (Monte & me and the littlest people.) We've grown accustom to spending a couple nights a week at games. It was fun to watch the boys play... and see them improve game to game.

Benett and Ellie enjoyed playing with their baseball friends... the adoring fans of Gavin's team mates. These fun, new friends kept them thoroughly entertained throughout the games.

I know Gavin needs a break, before school starts. Our summer has been moving at a break-neck pace. It will be good for things to slow down a bit... if such a notion is possible.

But in honor of our favorite game, we decided to play our own little version here at home. It's nowhere near as fun as the real thing, but it might just tide us over until our next sporting passion picks up in the fall.

Friday, July 26, 2013


He tries so hard to be just like his big brother. He's always watching. Watching the good. Watching the not-so-good. Everything seems to be absorbed.

This summer at the lake, that meant fishing was a big deal for Benett... maybe some of that was due to genuine interest, but I think mostly because fishing is a big deal for Gavin. Even though his big brother didn't want to be close by, Benett kept his on on what Gavin was doing... the bait he was using, the way he was casting his line... every last detail was absorbed.

Luckily, the fish were biting, so Benett didn't have to just watch. He got in on the action too. He was thrilled to haul in his catch, even though it looked more like bait. That didn't matter to him.

Unlike his brother, Benett had no qualms about handling his catch. He loves to get his little hands dirty and is really good about trying to experience new things. In that regard, Gavin could learn a thing or two from his little brother...

Friday, July 19, 2013


He's always been the high-flying type... the only thing that's changed since Gavin was a baby, is the degree to which he attempts to fly. He's always trying to be faster, higher, more fun than previously. (He has the bruises on his shins to prove it too.) Sometimes it seems as if he is on a quest to liberate himself from the confines of gravity.

Some things never change. He's been like this from the very start... he went right from rolling over to sitting up to walking and we've been chasing after Gavin ever since. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Yes, he wears me out. Frequently. But it's who he is. I love him to pieces for the very same reasons that I get so frustrated with him. That sounds strange to say, but it's true. I love his feisty nature, quick whit and the fact that he's smart as a whip... until those things stand between what I think Gavin should do/say/consider and what Gavin thinks he should do/say/consider.

I've always treated Gavin older than his chronological age. But things are different now... my mom-sense has been tingling... he's changing and becoming more mature. (Most of the time.)

We find our tall, lanky kid remaining to be very outgoing and gregarious, although it's tempered a bit with some shyness now. Maybe he's even embarrassed by his parents from time to time? And yet, I don't think he's quite ready to give up being our little boy... He shows us that, when he holds my hand in the grocery store parking lot or puts his arm around my waist as we walk, when he asks to sit on my lap or curls up under a blanket with me. That's when I long for my high-flying boy to freeze. If love could make the world stop spinning, the minutes would stretch on and on... I would freeze things for a few seconds more, so that I can soak it all in.

As is only natural, he slips his hand into my own on fewer occasions. Although I can almost feel the way his little hand used to feel in my own, when as a small boy... he'd squeeze my hand as he marched along next to me.

No matter how fast and how far he flies... I hope Gavin feels as though he can still do that as he grows up... Maybe he won't... But a mom can hope.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013


I can't say that I've been suffering from writer's block; truth be told, most of the time I don't sit down at my computer with anything specific to say... things just come. (I'm not sure if that's good or bad...)

I thought I'd been lacking inspiration in my daily life, but then again I have an abundance of fodder provided by my little people, at a break-neck pace. Life in the summer is very busy... but not so busy that I shouldn't make time for myself. So the question remains, why have I been unwilling to sit down and tap out my thoughts? I've been wresting with that for a week or two.

Today was very likely the hottest day of the summer, thus far. I think they call it 'corn-growing weather.' The hot, humid conditions are perfect for corn... we can almost watch it grow before our eyes. The weather also brought out an abundance of fireflies. Their glowing bodies were beautiful and inspiring to watch, almost like a string of twinkle lights shedding their soft glow along my path, to guide my way.

Their glowing light, in all its beauty, made me think of limits. Fireflies are beautiful and magical because of their flickering light. A slow, rhythmic, randomness that invokes sweet memories and has a way imparting a feeling of calm.

Their purpose isn't to emit a harsh or imposing light, like some neon sign set ablaze in a permanent state, because they HAVE to... doing nothing more than showing how bright they can be for as long as possible.

The fireflies reminded me of limits because today we seem to be rewarded for glowing as bright and hot for as long as possible. We always have to be ON. On our game. On the ball. Connected... We overwhelm ourselves with everything and nothing all at once, in an effort to squeeze an unreasonable amount into each and every day... taking this concept of living each day to the fullest, and pushing it above and beyond... burning ourselves out.

I feel that myself. I think the little people feel a bit of that as well.

But I want to be like the firefly; glowing in a rhythmic way, giving way only to the natural ebb and flow of life... glowing not because I feel like I have to, but because it comes naturally and it gives myself purpose and those around me enjoyment.

Some of this feeling is the result of little people who are no longer so little. They don't need me the way they used to... they still need me, but in a different way now. In some ways, their needs now are more demanding than when they were so little. They look to Monte and me for unspoken guidance, learning how to respond based on our responses.

When it comes to mothering, that urge to always have the light blazing, to be ON, is strong. There is nothing I want more, than to be a good parent. I want the best for my little people... if that only made it easy...

The fireflies reminded me that being here for my kids doesn't necessarily mean I have to fix everything... I need to be there emotionally for them, while being true to myself. I need to be next to them for the mundane as well as the monumental...I need to let them make mistakes... (gasp) Cheer when they make good choices. But in the end, I can only be the best versions of myself with limits... like those fireflies, glowing when I need to, not because I have to.