Reading email this morning was for some reason emotional. Trust me, an InBox containing 1,500 plus emails would make anyone want to cry... but that wasn't what had me feeling so helpless. (Right or wrong, emotional = helpless in my little world.)
It wasn't any ONE thing... but the culmination of EVERYTHING. The magnitude of it all. The weight of the burden.
That loss of control is such a challenge for me. It's tough to deal with... so I find myself thinking these silent little prayers. Prayers for peace, patience, a clear path... some kind of direction... the strength to put one foot in front of the other... to figure things out.
Although they may be silent, I know my little prayers don't go unheard. And although I don't intentionally have my hands folded in prayer... fingers intertwined, clasped.... perhaps peacefully... certainly pleadingly... I find my hands folded often on days like today.
You see, I'm impatient. (I know... news flash...) I want to sort things out right away. I don't like things to linger.
Although it didn't happen as quickly as I'd like, I did realize that what I'd earlier perceived as a burden isn't a burden at all. My responsibility may be great, but that's something entirely different... scary, yes, but a burden... not at all.
I'm hopeful that tomorrow will be better. I'm sure it will be... after all, I did manage to clean up some of my email today... So if nothing else, at least I won't have 1,500 emails staring back at me... One small thing that has been sorted out.
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