Thursday, August 30, 2012


He's four now.

When asked about the big event, he said it very simply, but very well... "I was three when I went to sleep last night. When I woke up this morning, I was four."

I've noticed him changing in recent months. A gradual, persistent shift inwards. Not in terms of his personality, he's no introvert... but in terms of his behavior. I can see him thinking things through... using his great imagination to devise these fantastical play scenarios.

His imagination seems to be running at full tilt. I can't wait to see him in the mornings, to find out what kind of animal he transformed himself into in the night. As he makes his way up to see me in the mornings, I know by the barking or the mooing what kind of animal he's going to be for the day. He tends to stay in character for the majority of the day... especially at meal times.

All of this growing and changing takes a lot out of Benett. After all, his emotions are growing and changing too... becoming more complex. He and I are both trying to figure out that change... as a result, I see this face quite often. I'm certain that the look on my face that he sees gazing back at him is infinitely less cute and much more bewildered on many occasions.

He went to sleep at night and woke up the next day a whole year older.

I went to sleep that same night, wondering if I should tip-toe down the stairs to sit at his side, as the clock mercilessly ticked and tocked, to watch his sleeping face change to that of a four-year-old. I didn't, because the rational me knew it wouldn't. The emotional me wasn't so sure... I only wanted to watch this little boy sleep... suspending time just a bit by recalling the baby and toddler and child that he was... wondering about how much different and the same he is, all at once.

He went to sleep at night and woke up the next day as a four-year-old... who was a dinosaur. So on his special day, we were a dinosaur family... especially at meal times.

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