Friday, March 30, 2012


Life isn't orderly. It's not a neat and tidy thing that can be organized into equal sense-making parts. In my experience, often times the harder I try to make things fit into my neat little grid, the more complicated it becomes.

I've been watching the dark cloud of melancholy hovering in the distance for some time. At least that's what the separations feel like to me. This thing we can't control, but have come to accept... it means that friendships formed through years of hard work are forever changed. Each time another of my friends leave, those remaining feel the loss. It hurts.

This change is just a result of business. It's not a death... Business is business; I get that. I understand the reasons that stack up to form a decision. And the people who leave, my friends, are wonderful and talented and amazing... they'll be okay. They'll be great. I think the tears that fell today are for me as much as anyone. Because I'm still here, wishing they were too. Selfishly missing them.

Things still aren't orderly, fitting into those tidy little stacks... but I've decided to turn my face towards the sunshine. That dark cloud still looms, but after today, it seems to look a little less menacing.

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