Reality

Every now and then I find myself caught off guard by the stark reality of things. Tonight it was the realization that I am completely and utterly responsible for three little lives.

It's not like that fact has completely escaped me until now... as if I've been fumbling through life unaware... but as 'Mama' I find on so many days it's a full-time job just keeping up with demands; the reality of what it really means to be called 'Mama' doesn't have time to take root in my mind.

These three little lives are being shaped and molded each and every day... on the good days where patience is plentiful and teaching opportunities are obvious... and the opposite of those days. You know the kind; when "difficult" seems like an improvement to the current state of affairs. Whether I like it or not, those little people are taking in everything; learning by my actions good, bad or otherwise.

It seems inexplicable that I'm an adult, when I still feel like a kid. That I'm responsible for the little people even though I don't have it all figured out yet. Aren't mom's supposed to have all of the answers?

What this whole though process has taught me is that I'm not afraid to be responsible... to be Mama. I'm just not as aware as I need to be. And those ever elusive "answers..." Well, I guess they'll come just like everything else; when least expected.