Song

Two years ago today, my heart learned to sing a new song. I'm fairly certain that heart of mine wouldn't know how to beat, without such a sweet little tune.

It's such a strange feeling, when I really think about today. It seems on one hand like just an ordinary day... filled with little bits of celebration... but like watching TV without the sound, what today looked like belies what's in my heart.

This little song made our family complete the night she came with gusto in the world and our lives. Complete not because she was to be the last; complete because that's how I felt. Complete because she reminded me of her biggest brother... to this day, she does more than ever... making our family a full circle of life and love. Not that fantasy of easy love, but the real kind that is difficult and worth fighting for.

How two years can pass so quickly, in a slowish way, is a miracle. Most days, I tell myself to remember a moment... like I'm willing it to remain in my memory no matter how small or trivial. But today that thought has been ever-present. I wanted to clock to stop. Since I couldn't make that happen, I snapped 187 photos... some blurry. Some random. Some with little more than a finger or a foot filling the frame, but the click of the shutter seemed to help me cope with the clock... like I wasn't going to give in, even as I heard the day tick-tick-ticking, in that slowish-fast way.

Miss Ellie is tucked into bed now. We rocked and sang "Happy Birthday" about 17 times. She was happy to listen and I was happy to sing... it isn't the song in my heart, which is okay, because Ell's the only one who knows how that one goes.