Tuesday, November 8, 2011


We still count Ellie's age in months.

With Gavin and Benett, the second birthday was a bittersweet milestone, because it seemed impractical to count age by month at that stage of the game. I know it will be the same with Ellie.

My little girl. She's growing up.

These days of firsts and lasts are difficult and joyous. It's a strange and wonderful contrast.

About a month ago, we hid her 'bop.' Her pacifier was her most favorite thing. If she was sad, or sleepy, or mad... it made her feel better and calmed her to sleep or to contentment.

To me it was a symbol of her infancy... that thing that I didn't want to give up. It is true that taking it away from her was probably as traumatic for me as it was for her. It was difficult to see her so sad... wandering around the house asking, "Bop?... Bop...?" With a shrug of her shoulders, pleading with those hazel eyes of hers. But more than that, it was difficult to think that my baby didn't need it anymore, because she's growing up. My baby isn't a baby.

The first night, we nearly gave in. She didn't want to fall asleep... it had to have been one of the only nights she didn't lull herself to sleep with it. So she cried... and drifted off to a restless sleep, only to wake a few short hours later, crying for her bop. She was the child who fell in love with the pacifier that she was given at the hospital, and refused to accept any other.

It got easier, for her and for me... by night three and four, she wasn't looking for it and didn't ask for it any more. It's true, it was time for her to give it up. Although we count her age in months, 19 to be exact, she is no longer a babe and doesn't need her 'bop.'

I say that with a wistful kind of happiness in my heart... for my little girl. She's growing up.

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