Guest

We had a house guest over the weekend. Casper is my brother's dog, and a bit on the shy side... something we don't get a whole lot of around here. Actually, before this past week, Casper hadn't been so thrilled about spending time with us, preferring his owner - hands down.

But after a day of living in our crazy (loud) household he put any fears I may have had to rest and started to adjust, becoming quite playful and friendly. Ellie was really pretty good too. She was cautious of him, as she is with all animals. (I think given her druthers, she'd avoid any and all animals completely.) But, if Casper was sitting quietly on my lap, or was confined to the entry way, behind the gate, she was just fine and would approach him and even try to pat his head. It was only if he jumped up (playfully, but too aggressive for her taste) did she have an emotional moment.

She has never, ever, been a fan of animals... although she's never had a bad experience. She's just naturally NOT an animal person... She's know our dog Jackson for her entire life, and yet she's still cautious of him. It's just who she is. She is Benett and Gavin's polar opposite in that regard.

When Benett was a baby, Monte and I made the difficult decision to move Jackson outside on a permanent basis. Even though both of the boys loved playing with dog (and vise versa), having a big, shedding dog in the house with a toddler was something we just decided wasn't the best for us. And given our location, and all of the space for him to explore, being outside was something that our lab has enjoyed.

But, having a dog in the house again made me realize how much I've missed that kind of company. With my change in schedule, I even caught myself daydreaming about what it might be like to have a small dog of our own, to keep me company during the day... There is something calming about pets, and for those of us with a habit of talking to ourselves... well, talking to a dog seems a bit more 'normal.'

There won't be a dog in our immediate future, but for now, I think I'll extend an open invitation to Casper. He can come to visit anytime... I just know we'll have lots to talk about.

Boardwalk

Gavin loves to play board games, especially Monopoly. So when the new came out a few weeks ago that the game would be undergoing some change, Gavin and I took it upon ourselves to start a game and to each play with the game piece we thought would be retired.

I thought it would be a fun evening... A chance contain Gavin long enough to sit across the table from me and play a game, have a conversation and just be together. I promised that we'd play the game all the way to the end; to play until one of us goes bankrupt. I pinky swore.

It's two weeks later and the game is still going on. We've had a couple of sessions and when it gets to be bedtime, we take a picture of the game board so we know just where the pieces need to be when we resume. I have to admit, it's been fun.

And two weeks later, we know the iron is retired, but that piece still circles our board as we play on, followed closely by the boot. In case you're wondering, Gavin has both Park Place and Boardwalk. He now has several homes on each property. It's only with a lot of luck that I've been able to miss landing on those two properties.

I'm not holding back, we're both playing to win... but don't worry about Gavin. He's proving to be quite the savvy investor. He's frugal and loves to negotiate. Playing this game with him has been so very entertaining for me... in many ways.

Self

She's gaining this sense of self. Our little Miss is not just mimicking her brothers, instead she's establishing her own style, coming to her own conclusions and developing her own opinions. (Opinions which in some cases are quite strong.)

On this particular day, Ellie was of the opinion that underwear and a bandanna are perfectly acceptable attire. No matter how much cajoling and reasoning, she held firm. She was NOT cold... She did NOT need to put on a shirt. She was just FINE. It was only when everyone else was going to go outside to play that she finally decided more than just a stitch of clothing would be necessary.

I love this stage, each of the little people have gone (and are going) through this evolution into the people that they are growing to become. For Gavin it's not quite as easy... being in school means that he needs to conform to how other people think he should be, and their ideas of normal... and weird. I know he listens when I say it's okay for him to be HIM. I know he knows who he is... but being who we truly are isn't always easy, especially when under the scrutiny of others.

Home is a safe space for that kind of evolution, and the little people take advantage of that, especially Miss Ellie... As for the rest of us, well, we have a front row seat for the show. I think it's gonna be a good one. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Housed

It's not everyday that a hen house is delivered via truck to one's front yard... but I have to say, it was a lovely sight indeed!

It's become very obvious that in order to be a proper chicken farmer, we needed a better living arrangement for the gals. Up until January, the gals took charge of their foraging, wandering any green space that was accessible, provided they weren't required to cross the snow.

That changed in January, when a cold winter wind blew in so quickly that it caught the gals out in the open. Rather than hustling back to their little coop to get out of the weather, they all huddled down and remained in those huddled bunches for the entire windy night.

The next morning, I couldn't believe my eyes... they were all nearly frozen. I fetched each and placed them one by one into the coop. I felt sick. I just couldn't believe that they didn't get out of the weather... and that I didn't notice them in their distress. 

Thankfully, none died; although many sustained severe enough frostbite to damage combs... one will lose at least one toe. This incident made it clear that something substantial needed to be constructed for the gals to pass the winter months safely.

A month later, this beautiful sight drove into my yard. The gals are now happily housed in their new digs... and that's just where I plan to keep them, under the soft cozy glow of the heat lamp, until the weather is more hospitable for our flock.

Loved

Valentines Day has become a holiday less about romance and more about the hustle of getting things ready for the little people. The school Valentine's party seems to be the highlight of February. And because none of the little people object (yet) we make our own valentine's instead of buying those from the store. I enjoy the opportunity to be creative with the little people... But that being said, getting the right treats, making fun cards for each of the classmates and constructing the mailbox for friends to deliver their cards and treats to, is not a small project.

By the time all of the goodies have been sent off to school, we're all glad the project is over.

And perhaps to highlight the fact that this holiday has become less about romance, Monte left this gesture on the bathroom floor. I'm not sure whether I should feel very loved... or as though I need to add an extra laundry day to my weekly routine.

Now, to be clear, Monte also came home with roses. They're lovely; he is so thoughtful... call me crazy, but the laundry heart meant just as much... maybe more.

Contentment

I feel myself growing. I feel myself continuing to evolve into a different kind of mother... It's a daily process, one which is met with some difficulty at times; while at others, a mom seems like such an easy, natural thing to be.

I had unrealistically expected that when babies are born, mothers are born too... it's true, we become mothers at that moment, but a new mother is nothing more than a terrified woman who at the moment of her child's birth, wears her heart on the outside of her body. Becoming a person who gives continuously, patiently counsels and teaches with love and kindness is a transitional process filled with mistakes and victories. Both of which are counted in the stars...

I am far from what I hope to be as a mom. I'm not nearly as patient as I'd like. I'm still struck with fear at times... although I hope that turmoil isn't evident on my exterior... after all, moms aren't supposed to be scared of things. What I do have is this over-powering love for my little people... in my book, that love trumps the shortcomings. I know they feel that love. I also know that there is hope to improve the shortcomings. As time marches on, I'll continue this evolution.

Unrealistic expectations and mistakes and victories aside, this journey is a great gift; one not to be taken lightly. It's a gift I've given much thought to lately. My greatest role in life is that of a mother, but it doesn't define me completely. I have other aspirations too... aspirations that are beyond my role as mom, a deep-rooted part of me that is important for me to pursue. As I transition professionally, I've had a great opportunity to spend more time with my little people. I'm very grateful. Yet... I've felt a restlessness; a part of me growing stagnant. A part of me that requires intellectual stimulation; my little people challenge me here... for sure... but I feel the need for more of the professional variety of said stimuli.

I've wrestled with going back to school, changing my profession entirely... just starting over. And with all of that going on in my head, there has been this constant... like the steady beating of a heart... the little people, the responsibility as mom and the support of family has remained throughout. That steadiness has allowed me to retain the ever-important balance and set a course to reestablish a feeling of purpose, professionally. Although I have some trepidation, I'm content.

Time continues it's relentless march... but that's okay. We're all evolving, but we're also content and ultimately there isn't much more we can ask for, than contentment, especially when we have one another.

Scattered

More likely than not, the cushions are scattered around the family room on most days. They're employed to make forts, stacked to make great perches, which Benett will swear up and down that he DOES NOT jump from. And invariably these cushions end up on the steps to make a slide. (Although not a very functional slide, thankfully.)

Lately, with all of the time we've been spending inside, Benett takes them off the couch every time I replace them. My pleas to "put them back" are typically met with a scene like the picture above. Apparently, his idea of putting the couch back together, and mine, are very different.

It's tough to be upset with Benett for too long... he put most of the cushions back, saving two for a creative little space to play. It was so much fun to watch him, despite the fact that he was supposed to be in his room for quiet time... and I was supposed to be on the treadmill. Details, details.

Doldrums

The winter doldrums are upon us. With weather going from bad to worse... the wind and snow and ice conspiring to keep us confined to the indoors... It seems like the biggest, most exciting thing we have happening in this house is Ellie's stick-up hair. (Sad, I know. We're apparently easily entertained.)

I also realize that one day, Miss Ellie will be very upset that one of her bathtub pictures was posted for the world to see. So with that in mind, I will preemptively say... Ellie, I apologize, but honey, it's a slow news day.

Ice

I'd like to think that we're getting beyond the sniffles and colds in our house... but the truth is, I think things may linger like this for a bit. Ellie still doesn't seem quite herself and even though Monte is feeling better, he too isn't back to 100%.

To add insult to that injury, the weather has been frightful. The little people haven't been outside to burn off energy for such a long time. I can't recall the last time we were outside for any length of time. They need to get out and run... breathing in the fresh air, even if it's cold, would be good for them. However, in this neck of the woods, we have been blanketed in ice.

I hate to think of it as pretty... because it's been such a pain to deal with... but the consistent coating has transformed mundane things like this gate panel into something more interesting. It's also 'interesting' to try to open said gate panel. The ice has coated every exposed surface making it nearly impossible to get around, and the gals are a mess. I think we're all praying for something different... either spring or winter would be fine... just not both at once.

Since spring won't be here anytime soon, we'll be attempting to make the best of this. I'm not sure how successful w

Afflicted

The most recent of our number to be afflicted with this nasty flu bug is our littlest person. Poor Miss Ellie... all she wanted was an ice pack on her head and a movie on the TV. Two requests which were easy to grant.

I find myself watching Benett with an eagle eye... I'm afraid it's only a matter of time before he too succumbs to the bug... although, he's a stubborn one... the flu may have found a challenging adversary.

As of late, my days seem to be filled with laundry, hand-washing/sanitizing and wiping/re-wiping every surface with bleach. Not to mention wiping noses, dosing Tylenol and refilling water glasses. I'm more than a little ready to get back to the office tomorrow... and I think all of the little people are ready to get back into their regular routine as well.

Baking

There is something about the cold winter weather evokes this kind of need... or an inspiration to bake; for me anyway. Not the lofty, adventurous kind of baking where one tackles the complex or a new recipe... I'm talking about comfort food in desert form.

As a result, we've been baking up a storm around here. Not excessive amounts, by any means, but more than usual. The fact that the gals have been keeping us stocked with a good supply of eggs has helped. I feel required to use a couple each day, even if that means only hard boiling a few to have at the ready if a salad seems lacking.

The mixer has become a mainstay on the counter, whirling away most days. We've made a few kinds of cookies... even a batch of meringues. All of which have been overseen by two little onlookers. Both hover over the bowl in anticipation of a spoon or beater to taste. I know I shouldn't let them sample the batter, with raw eggs included, but I did as a kid and so it seems like the thing to do.

The cookie jar is already nearly empty again... so I think we'll do a little baking tomorrow too. If anyone has a suggestion for a tasty treat, I'd love to hear all about it.

Attire

There is nothing quite so demoralizing as shopping for a bathing suit, in the middle of January. I knew this, yet I did it anyway.

I perused a couple of racks at the mall, finding not one... not two... but three combinations that I thought showed some promise. All of the swimwear looked so bright and cheerful, just the shot of color and inspiration of warmer weather to come that helps to push one through the winter doldrums.

With my selections in hand, I strode purposefully into the fitting room. After 15 horrifying minutes, I walked out with the least hateful of the three options and a new understanding... Bodies which reside in my climate are intended to be covered, fully and in layers, in these winter months. Those brightly colored suits should have come with warning labels. (And the contact information for several personal training options.)

Thankfully, I have some time before we jet off to a location where my new attire is a requirement... I have some time to come to grips with my winter self, which is a good thing. I have a feeling that it might take a while to be okay with my personal version of winter white.

Red

I'm not sure where I saw it, but last week I spied a map of the US with states colored red where the flu was in full damaging force. For the last several days, my house has been colored red, as a few of us lucky residents battle the bug in some way, shape or form. Those of us with the most robust immune systems (aka: those who eat things off the floor on a regular basis, aka: Benett and Ellie) have thankfully been spared... so far... *knocking on wood.*

Poor Gavin is struggling the most. He spent most of the weekend as a much subdued version of himself... contenting himself to quiet activities, much of the time snuggled under a warm blanket. Today, he woke with a fever that has yet to break. He's taking fluids. He's resting his body. He's resting his mind. He's eating little nibbles now and then... I hope it's just a matter of time before he's back to his full and rambunctious self.

I miss the exuberant, if bleary-eyed, child pictured above. Hopefully, we'll be able to kick this bug and get back our noisy normal.

Simple

The growing patch of bare ground, down by the barn, seems to indicate that the weather has warmed a bit. (Although my fingers and toes disagree. Firmly.) The gals were enjoying this bare patch yesterday, and I couldn't help but snap a photo. They were vigorous as they scratched about, trying their very hardest to have a luxurious bath. The photo doesn't do the sight justice... if only it had animated dust and dry grass being tossed this way and that, you'd have the full experience.

Anyway, this sight got me thinking about simply pleasures. I've found that in my life, the definition of a simple pleasure has changed a great deal over the course of the last few years. It's funny how things that once seemed mundane or even tedious, have the ability to evolve into something longed for... almost a life-line, these things ground us to what's most important.

As winter turns to spring, that small patch of ground will grow and the gals will find a new pleasure... tender shoots of green springing forth from the ground... bugs and crawling things... room to roam. The same will be true for me... I too will be able to roam a bit further, with little people at my hip, looking for something new to capture our attention and give us great joy. Simply things, but things that matter nonetheless.

Quest

I have been on a quest for a better night's sleep. I've been placing my blame for poor rest squarely on my mattress. It wasn't that old; about four years, but it had become too soft. It was too soft to the point where I could hardly sleep a night through with out waking up in the wee hours with a sore back. Getting up in the morning was an interesting process of trying to roll to the side and hoisting myself into a sitting position in order to ease the kink from my back. Just thinking about it hurts... when I did manage to get out of bed, my feet even hurt.

So, my sore back and feet made a rash bedding decision that resulted in the purchase of a rock hard bed. I could sleep through the night, but only to wake in the morning with a sore shoulder. I think sleeping on the floor would have been more comfortable and had I not been so stubborn, I might have dragged my pillow from the bed to do just that.

Back to the store I went. This time looking for some advise and not just the most firm bed in stock. I was so eager for a decent night's sleep that I even took the sales person's advise and spent an exorbitant sum on two  new temporpedic pillows.

I'm starting to like the pillows, although they take some getting used to... and the new bed is great... but it's just now occurring to me that one of the biggest (or should I say smallest) reasons for my lack of sleep is the littlest of the little people.

Ellie makes her way into bed with Monte and me around 2 AM most nights. At first it was easier to just make room in the king-size bed for her... but now in addition to herself, she brings her pillow, comforter, blankie and a baby along for the ride. Then she tosses and turns until she has taken up the majority of the space in the middle, leaving Monte and I perched on our respective edges tugging on our comforter for a little bit of warmth.

I've tried taking Ellie back into her own bed, a process which is met with extreme disapproval and a great deal of vocalization on her part. Needless to say, it could wake the neighbors.... so we try to deal with it. Pleading just a little bit on some nights for her to sleep in her own bed, but many times just rolling over and hoping she settles in quickly, before the alarm goes off and it's time to start the day in earnest.

At some point in time, I must have thought this little midnight marauder was cute... cute enough to snap a picture... but today, I'm too tired to think it's cute... and I'm wondering if the mattress store has anything in stock that can solve my new little problem.