Thursday, February 7, 2013


I feel myself growing. I feel myself continuing to evolve into a different kind of mother... It's a daily process, one which is met with some difficulty at times; while at others, a mom seems like such an easy, natural thing to be.

I had unrealistically expected that when babies are born, mothers are born too... it's true, we become mothers at that moment, but a new mother is nothing more than a terrified woman who at the moment of her child's birth, wears her heart on the outside of her body. Becoming a person who gives continuously, patiently counsels and teaches with love and kindness is a transitional process filled with mistakes and victories. Both of which are counted in the stars...

I am far from what I hope to be as a mom. I'm not nearly as patient as I'd like. I'm still struck with fear at times... although I hope that turmoil isn't evident on my exterior... after all, moms aren't supposed to be scared of things. What I do have is this over-powering love for my little people... in my book, that love trumps the shortcomings. I know they feel that love. I also know that there is hope to improve the shortcomings. As time marches on, I'll continue this evolution.

Unrealistic expectations and mistakes and victories aside, this journey is a great gift; one not to be taken lightly. It's a gift I've given much thought to lately. My greatest role in life is that of a mother, but it doesn't define me completely. I have other aspirations too... aspirations that are beyond my role as mom, a deep-rooted part of me that is important for me to pursue. As I transition professionally, I've had a great opportunity to spend more time with my little people. I'm very grateful. Yet... I've felt a restlessness; a part of me growing stagnant. A part of me that requires intellectual stimulation; my little people challenge me here... for sure... but I feel the need for more of the professional variety of said stimuli.

I've wrestled with going back to school, changing my profession entirely... just starting over. And with all of that going on in my head, there has been this constant... like the steady beating of a heart... the little people, the responsibility as mom and the support of family has remained throughout. That steadiness has allowed me to retain the ever-important balance and set a course to reestablish a feeling of purpose, professionally. Although I have some trepidation, I'm content.

Time continues it's relentless march... but that's okay. We're all evolving, but we're also content and ultimately there isn't much more we can ask for, than contentment, especially when we have one another.

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