Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Reluctant

I spied this stalk of asparagus in the garden the other day. If you look closely, there are actually two stalks. One standing brave and tall, the other curling up in a reluctant way... unwilling to stretch upwards, almost fearful looking. Afraid of being compared perhaps?

This fear of being compared isn't exclusive to veggies. Comparison is a thief that has the power to rob us of so much joy. I've been spending some time lately thinking about what that really means.

As the parent of a school-age child, it's difficult not to compare children to one another... academically, athletically, developmentally... in so many ways. It's the easy way of gaging what is average. But you know what... I don't want my children to be average. I want them to be THEM... embracing all of gifts and the faults that make them who they are. They're perfectly made, in their imperfection; no comparison required.

Professionally, I compare myself to my peers... my skills, my shortcomings. Somehow that seems less dangerous, but doesn't exactly inspire greatness.

About a year ago, I really started to think about how I came to be where I am in my professional life. Since that post, I've thought a lot about what comes next. In my heart, I knew what I wanted to do... what was supposed to come next for me. But now I find myself growing reluctant. Reluctant because I'm afraid. Afraid of change. Afraid of others comparing me. Afraid of curling up and becoming a reticent version of myself, instead of growing tall and brave.

Afraid or not, I'll do my best to follow my heart; knowing that even if comparison has robbed me of my fortitude for the moment, I'll be able to right myself and grow into a different version of tall and brave.

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