Seeing

In the day to day care of my kids, it can be a shock to the system to notice a change about them. I mean I see my kids every day... but I don't SEE my kids every day.

When they're tiny and new, each day there are changes. I recall vividly being startled by how differently Gavin looked some mornings when I'd go to pluck him from his crib. I thought to myself on more than one occasion that it was so amazing how quickly he changed.

That's really when my obsession for photographing him started... and that obsession continues with all of the little people now. I may not be the best photographer, but I have loads and loads of pictures of each, in an attempt to record and thus recall each and every moment.

I SAW Ellie this weekend. She isn't a baby anymore. She tries so hard for her independence. She's sweet and funny and has developed this sense of humor and personality that is joyful and spirited.

She's grown into her piggy tails.

All at once, I want to go back and stay right here... I miss that baby and love this new person. I can practically feel that soft fuzzy hair and her silk-smooth skin as she nestles into the crook of my arm. 

She's still fuzzy and soft, but she's stronger and heavier too. She clings to me in a different way, with a new purpose. She looks back at me with love in her eyes. I can see her mirroring me now, and seeing my love in her eyes is a gift like no other. And that is what makes going back less appealing than staying right here.