Wednesday, July 17, 2013


I can't say that I've been suffering from writer's block; truth be told, most of the time I don't sit down at my computer with anything specific to say... things just come. (I'm not sure if that's good or bad...)

I thought I'd been lacking inspiration in my daily life, but then again I have an abundance of fodder provided by my little people, at a break-neck pace. Life in the summer is very busy... but not so busy that I shouldn't make time for myself. So the question remains, why have I been unwilling to sit down and tap out my thoughts? I've been wresting with that for a week or two.

Today was very likely the hottest day of the summer, thus far. I think they call it 'corn-growing weather.' The hot, humid conditions are perfect for corn... we can almost watch it grow before our eyes. The weather also brought out an abundance of fireflies. Their glowing bodies were beautiful and inspiring to watch, almost like a string of twinkle lights shedding their soft glow along my path, to guide my way.

Their glowing light, in all its beauty, made me think of limits. Fireflies are beautiful and magical because of their flickering light. A slow, rhythmic, randomness that invokes sweet memories and has a way imparting a feeling of calm.

Their purpose isn't to emit a harsh or imposing light, like some neon sign set ablaze in a permanent state, because they HAVE to... doing nothing more than showing how bright they can be for as long as possible.

The fireflies reminded me of limits because today we seem to be rewarded for glowing as bright and hot for as long as possible. We always have to be ON. On our game. On the ball. Connected... We overwhelm ourselves with everything and nothing all at once, in an effort to squeeze an unreasonable amount into each and every day... taking this concept of living each day to the fullest, and pushing it above and beyond... burning ourselves out.

I feel that myself. I think the little people feel a bit of that as well.

But I want to be like the firefly; glowing in a rhythmic way, giving way only to the natural ebb and flow of life... glowing not because I feel like I have to, but because it comes naturally and it gives myself purpose and those around me enjoyment.

Some of this feeling is the result of little people who are no longer so little. They don't need me the way they used to... they still need me, but in a different way now. In some ways, their needs now are more demanding than when they were so little. They look to Monte and me for unspoken guidance, learning how to respond based on our responses.

When it comes to mothering, that urge to always have the light blazing, to be ON, is strong. There is nothing I want more, than to be a good parent. I want the best for my little people... if that only made it easy...

The fireflies reminded me that being here for my kids doesn't necessarily mean I have to fix everything... I need to be there emotionally for them, while being true to myself. I need to be next to them for the mundane as well as the monumental...I need to let them make mistakes... (gasp) Cheer when they make good choices. But in the end, I can only be the best versions of myself with limits... like those fireflies, glowing when I need to, not because I have to.

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